Why would you want to wait…?

“Why would you want to wait? You don’t want to end up like my last patient, who tried the route with the pills and ended up having a D&C anyway, do you?”

Male OB to patient who had just gotten the diagnosis of a missed miscarriage and was inquiring if it was possible to wait for the miscarriage ot proceed naturally. The appointment for D&C had been appointed for the next day, at a time and location where the husband would neither have been able to drop off or pick up, or attend to support his wife.

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4 thoughts on “Why would you want to wait…?

  1. This is mine.
    He (the gynecologist) was absolutely insensitive, which came to me as a shock considering that he’d been my gyn for over 15 years. Two weeks prior growth seemed to have stalled, which was confirmed on this day when the ultrasound still just showed an empty sac of 5 wk 3 d age and no fetal pole. He had scheduled me back for this check up on a monday, and looking back it was because his colleague was always doing the D&Cs on tuesdays. So directly after telling me the bad news, he informed me that his colleague whom I had never heard about would be performing the currettage the next morning, “because it’s best to just get it over with, and it’s such a small routine procedure”. The kicker was that it would have been at the end of nowhere… a couple of years ago I had moved to and lived at the other side of the city and just drove 40 minutes to see him, his “buddy’s” clinic would have taken me an additional 30 minutes to drive, even farther from where I lived!

    I was around 8 weeks and still hoping for a false diagnosis (which it did not turn out to be, sadly), and had also heard from my midwife that at that time and size, waiting to miscarry naturally was very tolerable. Mentally I was up for it, but the OB was having none of it. He didn’t even go through the process of mentioning the difference to the medical route with pills, safe for the remark that it failed with his last patient, a week ago. To make matters worse my first child was attending with me, so I could not discuss everything in detail. I ended up going to the playground and calling my husband in tears. First we tried to at least find a surgeon closer to our home, then we just decided to wait and see.

    I cancelled the appt. he’d made up for me and just went to my midwife who helped me through the time with tons more compassion than I could hope for. I still go to that gyn for annual checks, but it will never be the trusting relationship we had before. Since our second child was born he actually turned out to be insulted that I turned to the midwife (we split prenatal care evenly) and was very reserved ever since. I frankly think heäs an idiot who can’t handle patients with negative emotions like sadness. Fortunately he himself choses not to work in obstetrics or surgery… that’s probably the only thing I can hold for him, as it’s a wise choice for someone with such inadequate compassion and manners.

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  2. Stacie says:

    I am so sorry you had to go through that. I am grateful that with my missed miscarriage, the dr was well on board with waiting for my body to deliver naturally.

    Are you going to do thoughtful thursdays with this blog?

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    • Hi Stacie, sorry for the wait, and thank you for your compassion and kind words.

      So far I’m hoping that the regular site is going to be picked up again, but otherwise – participation of others assumed – I am definitely not opposed to the idea of a thoughtful thursday or a sweet sunday.

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  3. Michelle May says:

    I’m sorry that was your experience. I have never experienced a miscarriage, but I know that if it were early on I would definitely want things to happen naturally over a D&C.

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